elf: John Egbert with a rocketpack, captioned "THIS IS STUPID" in all caps. (This is stupid)
elf ([personal profile] elf) wrote2025-07-24 08:03 am
Entry tags:

Itch.io Is Having Its Strikethrough Moment

Last night, bluesky exploded with the discovery that itch.io has delisted/shadowbanned pretty much all its "adult" games - they don't show up in a search anymore, even if you have the 'show me adult content' turned on, even if you are the game's creator.

They are still listed on the creator's pages; they are still in the bundles they've been in, and the "search title/author/tag" on the bundle pages still works.

Some games have been removed entirely - with a claim that they violate the TOS and therefore the creators can't receive payment, so itch will be just keeping their money thankyouverymuch.

After a mad scramble to figure out "what's going on and why," Itch mentioned payment processor issues on its Discord (which is going wild with drama; it does NOT have enough moderators for this), and eventually released a statement:
We have “deindexed” all adult NSFW content from our browse and search pages. We understand this action is sudden and disruptive, and we are truly sorry for the frustration and confusion caused by this change.

Recently, we came under scrutiny from our payment processors regarding the nature of some content hosted on itch.io. Due to a game titled No Mercy, which was temporarily available on itch.io before being banned back in April, the organization Collective Shout launched a campaign against Steam and itch.io, directing concerns to our payment processors about the nature of certain content found on both platforms.
Itch instantly caved to their "Warriors for Innocence."

ExpandSpecific game info )
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M ([personal profile] myveryown_nemesis) wrote2025-07-24 09:14 am
Entry tags:

vibing in the 'life is good' bandwidth

 

Good Morning, you Beautiful People!

Just a quick check-in before it gets too hot to mow the lawn...

Yesterday was a better-than-good day. Yeah, I thought that I screwed up the medical bills, but that was a flash in the pan. Lines of communication are opening up between me and my husband, and the ball is rolling to get that life insurance payout to eliminate the credit card debt and start developing a functional emergency fund and slush fund. I'm also still loving the idea that my sobriety involves braiding together 3 different abstinence practices. It just feels right -- vibing in the "life is good" bandwidth.

I feel in sync with my abstinence practices and like I'm growing in my sobriety. The world might be crazy, but life is beautiful.

I hope you find some beauty in your day, and as always, thank you for being here.

myveryown_nemesis: (Default)
M ([personal profile] myveryown_nemesis) wrote2025-07-23 04:25 pm
Entry tags:

juggle nerf balls, not bowling balls

Good Afternoon, my Beautiful Friends!
 
You know that feeling when it feels like all of a sudden you know how to juggle and there aren't any balls crashing down on your head, and then the next second you remember that you DON'T know how to juggle, so you bop yourself in the head with a ball or two? 
 
Yeah, that feeling.
 
I was having that "ducks all lined in a row feeling", and I sat down to review the medical bills. I thought that everything was caught up, but I might have a few bills that had missed copays.
 
Nope.
 
BUT -- the balls that dropped were squishy ones. I took a deep breath, logged into my insurance account, and matched up bills to EOBs, and guess what? The $2,530-something the bills add up to is MUCH higher than EOBs say I owe (under $250). So now I have to choose between calling the billing offices or just paying what my insurance company says I owe instead of what the providers claim I owe. I also received a bill from one of my providers via text. Nope. I'm not paying that. I will call their billing office and ask for my itemized bill. In the mail. Yes, it's old school, but it makes it so much easier to verify against the insurance company statements.
 
So just a few annoying squishy balls -- I thought at first that I had totally screwed something up, but I didn't. It's just that the medical providers' billing practices are not on the same timeline as my insurance company's coverage payments. Yeah, it looks like there were a few missed copays on my part, but most of what we owe (according to the EOBs) are things that the copay doesn't cover, and we weren't immediately billed. My involvement in this billing avalanche is almost non-existent.
 
My husband and I are communicating much better, and I had a great therapy session this morning. I have decided that my sobriety has three legs: the abstinence from alcohol, the abstinence from disorganized eating, and the abstinence from relying on credit. It's three things that I'm refraining from, but it's one sobriety...a sober life. And that's a good thing.
 
I hope you found something beautiful today, and if you were juggling, I hope you were juggling nerf balls, not bowling balls.  And as always, thank you for being here!
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M ([personal profile] myveryown_nemesis) wrote2025-07-22 07:19 pm

stuff here and there, everything always scattered

Just to let you all know...
 
I probably will only be doing new poems every other day or so, because I finally figured out how I want to manage my multitudes of journals.

I'm planning on setting up a spreadsheet where I can track things like where I've shared the poems, what themes I'm visiting with the poems, and maybe how long it's taken for each poem to "bake" before I felt satisfied with it.
 
Then, I plan to print the ones that I particularly like, perhaps embellish them, and keep them in a disc-bound notebook for future perusal.
 
[And I don't really have multitudes of journals. I just jot stuff down and post stuff here and there, so everything is always scattered. ADHD for the win!]


And here's a poem that goes back to the very beginning of the #APoemADay challenge I gave myself back in December...

lost
 
behind best laid plans
it's tucked within intentions
never to be found
 
2024.12.13
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M ([personal profile] myveryown_nemesis) wrote2025-07-22 09:45 am
Entry tags:

the work at hand

 Good Morning, you Beautiful People!
 
I had an almost-fight with my husband last night. It's about communication again, and how his meds affect the way he interprets what's going on. As someone who has been there before, I can see that he is seeing himself as a victim. And there are some very real reasons for him to feel that way, but now I am experiencing what it is like to be cast as the villain, when in reality, I just don't know what the hell he is thinking.  This adds to the pile of "things I'd like to discuss with him, but I can't have a conversation with him when the meds are affecting him this way." It's a challenging pile.
 
Today's AA meeting was from the Emotional Sobriety book. The chapter was titled "The Work at Hand," about working with what is in front of us now, and doing the best we can at that work. Right now, I am working two jobs: 1) live a sober life (that includes refraining from drinking alcohol and making reckless decisions about food and money), and 2) provide the care and support that my husband needs. I need to take care of #1 to manage #2. The sober life part is going rather well; knowing how to best support and care for my husband, however, is hard. He has told me that he thinks I don't trust him, and to be brutally honest, my trust in his decision-making ability is weakened by his thought patterns when he is under the effect of his medications. It's a conundrum. I need to learn more about how to be a better partner for him, because my instincts aren't serving me (or him) well.
 
I'm feeling secure in my sobriety (in terms of drink, food, and money). Life is challenging right now, and I just need to figure out how to best move forward with the work ahead of me in order to support and care for my husband to the level he needs and deserves.
 
I hope you find something beautiful in your life today, and as always, thank you for being here.
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M ([personal profile] myveryown_nemesis) wrote2025-01-27 08:06 pm
Entry tags:

everything is easier with friends

 I went to my AA meeting this morning in person, and I'm glad I made that decision. The reading wasn't particularly resonant for me, but the sidetrack it sent me on was deeply touching. In the reading, a woman who had nearly destroyed her body with alcohol was lucky enough to get a liver transplant in time to save her life. This made me think of my friend Gina, who has been on my mind quite a bit lately.
 
Gina died of liver disease. To my knowledge, she was never a heavy drinker; catastrophic health issues can happen to anyone.
 
Gina passed away in June 2015 on a Wednesday. My father passed away that same week on Friday, but I didn't learn about it until Saturday morning. My sisters waited a day to tell me, as my daughter graduated from high school on Friday night, and they wanted me to have those sweet memories before sharing the news. I'm glad that they did that.
 
The last time I spoke with Gina was on Monday of that week. She was in the hospital and knew she didn't have much time left. She was calling all of her friends for one last word. One of the things she said to me was that we were fools for never meeting face-to-face (our friendship started in the early 2000s in a forum), and the other was that I should remember that everything is easier when you do it with friends.
 
Gina is right. Everything is easier with friends.
 
Thank you, friends, for being here.
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M ([personal profile] myveryown_nemesis) wrote2025-07-21 09:12 am
Entry tags:

tidying up, putting garbage to curb, and step 4

 Good Morning, my Beautiful Friends!
 
I'm writing this on my phone while waiting for Roe-Bit to finish vacuuming my office.  If you have the space in your budget, a robot vacuum is a godsend. I use a Eufy, which costs a lot less than the iRobots of the world.
 
Anyway...today is about picking up groceries, tidying things up, and putting garbage to the curb. I find it fitting that I also plan on working on my AA Step 4 -- it works with the theme, no?
 
I already have a poem percolating in my brain, so once Roe-Bit is done with my office, I'm going to fiddle with that first, just because.
 
I feel content with my sobriety and food choices, and I'm starting to feel more secure about my spending habits.
 
I hope you find something beautiful in your day, and as always, thank you for being here.
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M ([personal profile] myveryown_nemesis) wrote2025-07-21 09:09 am
Entry tags:

time never tells

 time never tells
 
 
Time doesn't tell
the facts of the past;
it casts a spell --
a glamour of craft.
 
Time will not tell
the truth from a lie;
self-doubt is quelled--
integrity slides.
 
Time only  whispers
what once befell
midst silent sisters--
time never tells
 
2025.07.21
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M ([personal profile] myveryown_nemesis) wrote2025-07-20 09:38 pm
Entry tags:

a very sunday sunday to follow a very saturday saturday

 Hello, you Beautiful People!
 
Just a quick check-in to say that it was a good Sunday. I worked on my weekly planning, met friends for coffee, made steak and potatoes for dinner, and did lots of Sudoku puzzles after dinner.  I was going to review bills and budget when I did weekly planning, but that just didn't fit. I think that the bills and budget have to move back to Wednesday. I will have to do a quick scan tomorrow, though, just in case I have something due before Wednesday. I don't think so, though, so all should be good.
 
I feel tired, but in a sleepy-tired-contented sort of way. So I guess that means I feel content with my sobriety, my eating habits, and my new spending habits. Life is good, and I'm going to go to bed early (and yes, I remembered to take a melatonin with dinner, because afternoon decaf can mess with my sleep cycle).
 
I hope each of you found beauty in your day, and as always, I am so thankful that you are here.
elf: A purple rook with wings spread; the word "Glitch" above it and "Don't Panic" below. (Glitch - Don't Panic)
elf ([personal profile] elf) wrote2025-07-19 09:16 pm

The last 24 hours have been a whole year

1. Chaos. Last night, the building across the street caught on fire.

Again.

It's an abandoned/defunct factory; this is the... fifth? time it's caught on fire in the last couple of years. (The owner who acquired it after the previous owner died has been trying to sell it for far more than anyone wants to pay.)

2. Discord. This morning: Skipped my GURPS game (sigh) for round 3 of 4 of the Seattle Worldcon virtual business meeting. 3.75 hours of intense Roberts Rules neepery wrapped around 16 action items. 14 passed, 2 failed. I took notes on (1) everything that happened and (2) How To Bog Down A Worldcon Business Meeting, should I ever be so inclined.

There are a substantial number of people involved for whom Roberts Rules is apparently their main fandom. The Worldcon Business Meeting is their Pennsic. Some of them get annoyed at people who aren't interested in RRONR procedures as much as they want changes to Worldcon rules.

Also I have volunteered to be on two committees; we'll see if I get accepted to either.

3. Confusion. Family birthday party. Eldest daughter came over to cook tacos yay. Much bustling around a small kitchen with people no longer used to having three butts in a one-butt sized space.

Tacos were yummy. Cake and ice cream were yummy. French-press coffee was yummy; I wound up thinking "I should do that more often" and then remembered why I don't - because the cleanup is a hassle, and also, I prefer the coffee hotter than the press makes it. (5 minutes of sitting in a glass cylinder is cooler than I prefer.) But it's nice once in a while.

4. Bureaucracy. 2 hrs of OTW Board public meeting. (The meeting is 1 hr, but I'm involved as a volunteer, so had to be there in advance.) It ran short - instead of the normal "dozen questions emailed in advance + 10-20 questions asked in session," it was "5 questions sent in advance and only 4 more asked in session." All questions answered during the meeting; none left over to get posted on the website later.

5. Aftermath. Kid the Elder has gone home with doggo via Lyft; I am trying to catch up on the several chat channels with all sorts of stuff in them. Also now trying to figure out what writing deadlines I have pressing that have been shoved aside during prep for these two meetings.

ExpandNow what? )
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M ([personal profile] myveryown_nemesis) wrote2025-07-19 06:58 pm
Entry tags:

roadwork

 roadwork

the temperature falls
misery hardens and cracks
asphalt to be patched.

2025.07.19
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M ([personal profile] myveryown_nemesis) wrote2025-07-19 06:55 pm
Entry tags:

a very saturday type of day

 Good Evening, my Beautiful Friends!
 
This Saturday has been a VERY Saturday day...in a good way.  I slept in for about half an hour, then let the dog out, and popped the load of laundry I didn't do yesterday in the washer. Then I got sidetracked in the laundry room and started planning how I wanted to zhuzh it up a bit, and did some organizing. On to more bumbling around the house, possibly waking my son (though he claims I didn't), then making a breakfast of bacon, eggs, English muffins, and cantalope. After cleaning up breakfast, I looked for my "on the go" planner, which I had lost. I've been looking for it for two days -- I think I left it at the grocery store. And yes, I already checked with the customer service desk. 
 
After that fruitless search, I went to my face-to-face AA meeting. It was moving. The leader kept it simple and opened the floor to step one, to recognize those who come back. There was someone there who was back -- her day one after a relapse -- who was in tears nearly the whole time. Since I was one of those who relapsed and came back to AA meetings, I geared my share to her about how I felt about reconnecting with the community. After the meeting, I introduced myself to her and also told her about SMART Recovery. My thought is you gotta find the tools you can work with.
 
After the AA meeting, my husband and I went out to lunch at a local pizza place. I got a child's size pizza with pineapple, anchovies, and onion. Yeah. I know, not everybody's thing! But I love the pairing of the salty, unctuous anchovies with the bright and sweet pineapple and that touch of sharpness the onion brings. Yum. I had a house salad with that. My husband got a meatball sub and a side of macaroni. He's been napping all afternoon. If we ever get hungry again, dinner will probably be a bowl of cereal!
 
For the past couple of hours, I've started rebuilding an on-the-go planner. I tried a couple of different things for covers, but deemed them too flimsy. So I used a decorative filing folder cut to size, and protected it with a self-laminating sheet (which we all know is just a paper-size piece of tape).
 
I just realized I hadn't checked in here yet, so here I am now. It has been a truly lovely Saturday. 
 
I feel strong in my sobriety, comfortable with my eating habits, and accepting of the spending habits I am developing. Life is good.  
 
I hope each of you found a little bit of beauty during your day, and as always, thank you for being here.
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M ([personal profile] myveryown_nemesis) wrote2025-07-18 10:43 pm
Entry tags:

forsaken

 forsaken
 
My mouth tastes like teeth
that have dried in the sun
on a wide sandy beach
detached from the sea.
 
My hands feel like suede
shed like old tattered gloves
soft, worn, and untended
forgotten and free.
 
I am blind, deaf, and mute
to the life that surrounds,
yet filled with bleak knowing
as the death knell resounds.
 
2025.07.18 /025.07.10
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M ([personal profile] myveryown_nemesis) wrote2025-07-18 05:52 pm
Entry tags:

the relief of being able to course correct

 Good Morning, my Beautiful Friends!
 
A huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders: we got a call from our financial advisor's executive assistant yesterday to ask what was with all of the emails I sent to her this week.
 
So I told her:
 
  1. about the debt that we didn't report when we last met with our advisor [not hidden debt, but debt that I forgot to include, which has since grown]
  2. how paying the current premiums on our life insurance policies is getting in the way of paying off that debt
  3. how we have growing medical expenses due to my husband's last surgery
  4. how the unsecured credit card debt bothers me much more than the mortgage and home equity loan, [both of those combined are quite a bit less than the value of our home...when we sell, both of those debts would be paid, and we would have ample funds for a down payment for our next housing adventure]
  5. how my need for a plan is more important than my need to pay off that debt immediately [but how I really would prefer to pay it off now]
  6. and how I thought cashing out my life insurance could be a viable plan [but how my husband was concerned that any dividends earned would no longer be available to us during retirement]
 
And then she called back later in the day, after talking with our advisor. He thinks that cashing out my insurance IS viable, that dividends from my life insurance policy were not core to our retirement funds! My husband and I will discuss this more over the weekend, but I feel so much better knowing that there is a viable plan. I would still need to pick up some life insurance, as I want the costs of my future burial to be taken care of, and not on my children's backs.
 
Today's workload includes mowing the lawn, house cleaning, laundry, and taking my husband to a PT appointment. I'm going to be depleted by the end of the day, but that's what podcasts and sudoku are for, right?
 
I feel secure in my sobriety and eating habits, and I feel relieved about being able to course correct on past spending habits.
 
Oh! And I also had a great AA meeting about being humble, accepting humility, and how the word humiliation has such negative connotations that people apply it to humility (the state of being humble).
 
I hope you find something beautiful in your life today, and as always, thank you for being here!
myveryown_nemesis: (Default)
M ([personal profile] myveryown_nemesis) wrote2025-07-17 08:07 am
Entry tags:

to be consoled

 to be consoled
 
life breaks apart inside your head,
shattered within words left unsaid.
Mercy unfolds; the frenzy ceases;
She gathers up the bits and pieces
dodging shades of innuendo,
closing doors and opening windows.
 
2025.07.17
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M ([personal profile] myveryown_nemesis) wrote2025-07-17 08:06 am
Entry tags:

the peripheral stress about money

 Good Morning, you Beautiful People!
 
Had a conversation with the husband that started to get a bit heated, but I withdrew before it became a full-on argument. Again, he misunderstood me, and I had misunderstood the conclusion of a prior discussion.  It's difficult to discuss money matters with someone who is on serious pain-related medications (Oxy, Lyrica, and Robaxin) AND is also a bit disconnected from the money (he earns it, he and I both spend it, and I try to make that work...this has often led to accruing debt). I know that now is not the best time for these conversations, and at the same time, we need to have these conversations now, because we currently cannot depend on later. The debt is an issue when he is so close to retirement. We don't have to have it all paid off, but we NEED a plan. I'm getting frustrated, but I know that he is not at fault, and I also know that I produced more than my "fair share" of that debt. He keeps thinking that I'm blaming him for the debt -- I'm not! I need help with this, and I'm frustrated and scared because I feel like if we don't have a plan soon, we are going to screw up our retirement.
 
Okay, that was me offloading.  I needed that.
 
Today's plan involves working on the backyard. We have recently learned that we have a groundhog underneath our shed and that our dog is trying to tear apart the shed to get to the groundhog. So we need to secure the base of the shed where Ted is literally trying to pull apart the boards, but we also need space to allow the groundhog to escape. We picked up lattice yesterday, so it needs to be cut and installed.  I also have a lot of trim work to do around the fence, and the yard should be mowed. The weather is going to be hot and humid, so I don't know if I can do all of that, but the good side is that the physical activity should provide some relief from the mental gymnastics my brain has been doing lately.
 
I feel secure in my sobriety, my eating habits, and my new spending habits. No need to go into the peripheral stress about money, since I fully addressed that in the first paragraph!
 
If you made it this far, thank you! I hope you find something beautiful in your life today -- you are something beautiful in my life, and for that, I am very, very thankful.
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M ([personal profile] myveryown_nemesis) wrote2025-07-16 02:59 pm
Entry tags:

waterlogged

 waterlogged
 
uncertain in these situations
she takes a beat for exploration:
has she water enough to let her float?
 
In the deep, doubt pulls her under
in the shallows, she flails and wonders:
can she escape the tale of dread she wrote?
 
2025.07.162025.07.12





This is reworking of submergence. I have a new poem rolling around in my head, but it's missing its middle.
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M ([personal profile] myveryown_nemesis) wrote2025-07-16 09:00 am
Entry tags:

jumping into step 4

 Good Morning, you Beautiful People!
 
Today, there is only one doctor's appointment, and that's for my husband, in about 30 minutes. The other Big Thing on today's calendar is already done, and that was to curb my donations for AMVETS. I usually donate to the Lupus Foundation, but they discontinued pickup in my area. That's a bit of a bummer, since I always felt it was a small way that I might be helping my brother-in-law, who has Lupus.
 
The smaller tasks on my list include scheduling Terminix (I went into rest-mode yesterday before getting to it), rehang the curtains, which I still haven't rehung, review and pay more medical bills*, and reschedule my upcoming hair appointment -- I've decided to let my hair grow out a smidge.
 
I'm feeling secure in my sobriety, my eating habits, and my spending habits. I've been listening to the Lawrie C (OA) and the Joe & Charlie (AA) Big Book talks because on the AA side of the fence, I'm jumping into Step 4. I think the work I've done with SMART will affect how I make that inventory this time around. While I wouldn't say that I'm looking forward to it, I'm also not dreading it. It's just another task I need to do to better understand myself so that I can continue to move forward in sobriety.
 
I hope that the Universe surprises you with something beautiful (and the Universe will -- She always does, if you're paying attention!), and as always, thank you for being here!
 
*Since my husband has turned 65 and is on Medicare Part A only, while still on BC/BS Federal Worker Plan, coordination of benefits has been a struggle...I just want to be sure that we are only paying our part, and not BC/BS or Medicare's parts.
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M ([personal profile] myveryown_nemesis) wrote2025-07-07 08:44 pm
Entry tags:

beast and amazon

beast and amazon 
 
In shadow,
you are Beast
and I am Amazon.
 
     Together we see
     those who left without Falling,
     unseen by the many
     who are deaf to their calling.
 
     We watch, intertwined
     with their dance in the shade;
     they are free from all tethers
     by a choice never made.
 
     Unbraided, we leave
     their ethereal court
     and return to our bindings
     with shadowed remorse.
 
In shadow
you are Beast
and I am Amazon
 
 
2025.07.06/11.17.2009/04.15.09
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M ([personal profile] myveryown_nemesis) wrote2025-07-15 07:46 pm
Entry tags:

fear falling

 fear falling
 
when our fears fall
and fill streams
that fill oceans,
we stand with
our envy disarmed, 
our wrath silenced,
our greed dispelled.
 
when our fears fall
and we stand
without false armor,
we may feel small,
but we are giants.
 
2025.07.15